45 Quotes for a Happy Valentines Day

45 Quotes for a Happy Valentines Day

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45 Quotes for a Happy Valentines Day

Valentine’s Day was named after Saint Valentine, a Catholic priest who would marry roman soldiers in secret, as Emperor Claudius II forbid it at the time. The Emperor believed that all soldiers should be completely and utterly committed to Rome, and thus love should play no part in their lives.

Valentine was eventually executed for his crimes against Rome, and legend has it that he cured the blindness of Claudius daughter. Before his execution on February 14th, it is also said that he wrote her a love letter and signed it “from your Valentine.”

How much of this story is true and how much is a myth is hard to say. Whatever the case, the legacy of Saint Valentine has left us with a day on which to celebrate our love for one other, and the flowering of new relationships and fortification of old ones.

So if you’re looking to inject some humor and perspective into your love life this February, we’ve composed some hilarious and profound sayings about Valentine’s Day.

45 Valentines Day Quotes

Quotes On Love

““When someone loves you, the way they talk about you is different. You feel safe and comfortable.” – Jess C. Scott

““I no longer believed in the idea of soul mates, or love at first sight. But I was beginning to believe that a very few times in your life, if you were lucky, you might meet someone who was exactly right for you.” – Lisa Kleypas

““Why is it,” he said, one time, at the subway entrance, “I feel I’ve known you so many years?” “Because I like you,” she said, “and I don’t want anything from you.” – Ray Bradbury

Dr Seuss Quote “You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams”

“You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” – Dr. Seuss

““The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too.” – Ernest Hemingway

““There is greatness in doing something you hate for the sake of someone you love.” – Shmuley Boteach

““Through my love for you, I want to express my love for the whole cosmos, the whole of humanity, and all beings. By living with you, I want to learn to love everyone and all species. If I succeed in loving you, I will be able to love everyone and all species on Earth… This is the real message of love.” – Thich Nhat Hanh

““You can’t force love, I realized. It’s there or it isn’t. If it’s not there, you’ve got to be able to admit it. If it is there, you’ve got to do whatever it takes to protect the ones you love.” – Richelle Mead

Elizabeth Gilbert Quote “To be fully seen by somebody, then, and be loved anyhow - this is a human offering that can border on miraculous”

“To be fully seen by somebody, then, and be loved anyhow – this is a human offering that can border on miraculous.” – Elizabeth Gilbert

““The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved; loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves.” – Victor Hugo

““The best and most beautiful things in this world cannot be seen or even heard, but must be felt with the heart.” – Helen Keller

““He is my world and my world is him and without him there is no world.” – Lauren Oliver

““If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. If they don’t, they never were.” – Kahlil Gibran

Pedro Calderon Quote “When love is not madness it is not love”

“When love is not madness it is not love.” – Pedro Calderon

Quotes On Relationships

““The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.” – Carl Jung

““A guy and a girl can be just friends, but at one point or another, they will fall for each other…Maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe forever” – Dave Matthews Band

““If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay.” – Oprah Winfrey

““For the two of us, home isn’t a place. It is a person. And we are finally home.” – Stephanie Perkins

Deepak Chopra Quote “When you struggle with your partner, you are struggling with yourself. Every fault you see in them touches a denied weakness in yourself”

“When you struggle with your partner, you are struggling with yourself. Every fault you see in them touches a denied weakness in yourself.” – Deepak Chopra

““The best relationships in our lives are the best not because they have been the happiest ones, they are that way because they have stayed strong through the most tormentful of storms.” – Pandora Poikilos

““Well, it seems to me that the best relationships – the ones that last – are frequently the ones that are rooted in friendship.” – Gillian Anderson

““I cannot fix on the hour, or the spot, or the look or the words, which laid the foundation. It is too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun.” – Jane Austen

““Never close your lips to those whom you have already opened your heart.” – Charles Dickens

Cornel West Quote “We have to recognize that there cannot be relationships unless there is commitment, unless there is loyalty, unless there is love, patience, persistence”

“We have to recognize that there cannot be relationships unless there is commitment, unless there is loyalty, unless there is love, patience, persistence.” – Cornel West

““To say that one waits a lifetime for his soulmate to come around is a paradox. People eventually get sick of waiting, take a chance on someone, and by the art of commitment become soulmates, which takes a lifetime to perfect.” – Criss Jami

““I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.” – Brene Brown

““We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a little of each other everywhere.” – Tim McGraw

Theodor Reik Quote “In order to be happy oneself it is necessary to make at least one other person happy”

“In order to be happy oneself it is necessary to make at least one other person happy.” – Theodor Reik

Quotes On Romance

““They didn’t agree on much. In fact, they didn’t agree on anything. They fought all the time and challenged each other every day. But despite their differences, they had one important thing in common. They were crazy about each other.” – Nicholas Sparks

““The very essence of romance is uncertainty.” – Oscar Wilde

“Just because I’m not forever by your side doesn’t mean that’s not precisely where I want to be.” – Stephanie Laurens

““My heart only ever had one thought, one want. One need. Despite all, in spite of all…All my heart has ever wanted is you.” – Stephanie Laurens

Rainbow Rowell Quote “Every woman wants a man who'll fall in love with her soul as well as her body”

“Every woman wants a man who’ll fall in love with her soul as well as her body.” – Rainbow Rowell

““If you need something from somebody always give that person a way to hand it to you.” – Sue Monk Kidd

““Oh no. Don’t smile. You’ll kill me. I stop breathing when you smile.– Tessa Dare

““I think you are wrong to want a heart. It makes most people unhappy. If you only knew it, you are in luck not to have a heart.” – L. Frank Baum

““When it comes to men who are romantically interested in you, it’s really simple. Just ignore everything they say and only pay attention to what they do.” – Randy Pausch

Elinor Glyn Quote “Romance is the glamour which turns the dust of everyday life into a golden haze.”

“Romance is the glamour which turns the dust of everyday life into a golden haze.” – Elinor Glyn

““If music be the food of love, play on, Give me excess of it; that surfeiting, The appetite may sicken, and so die.” – William Shakespeare

““You know that when I hate you, it is because I love you to a point of passion that unhinges my soul.” – Julie de Lespinasse

““My soul will find yours.” – Jude Deveraux

““Every couple needs to argue now and then. Just to prove that the relationship is strong enough to survive. Long-term relationships, the ones that matter, are all about weathering the peaks and the valleys.” – Nicholas Sparks

Oscar Wilde Quote “When one is in love, one always begins by deceiving one's self, and one always ends by deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance”

“When one is in love, one always begins by deceiving one’s self, and one always ends by deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance.” – Oscar Wilde

Funny Valentines Day Quotes

““You’re never alone on Valentine’s Day if you’re near a lake and have bread.” – Mike Primavera

““Remember, your Valentine’s card shows you care enough to send the very best, even though you’re too lazy to put it in your own words.” – Melanie White

““Love is the name of an irrepressible moment formed inside one complete pulsation of a heart” – Munia Khan

Fay Morgan Valentines Day Quote “The thing about Valentine's day is that people discover who are single and who to feel jealous of”

“The thing about Valentine’s day is that people discover who are single and who to feel jealous of.” – Faye Morgan

““The brain is the most outstanding organ. It works 24/7, 365 from birth until you fall in love.” – Sophie Monroe

““Without Valentine’s Day, February would be…well, January.” – Jim Gaffigan, Comedian

““Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.” – H. L. Mencken

““A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished.” – Zsa Zsa Gabor

Pearl Bailey Valentines Quote “What the world really needs is more love and less paperwork”

“What the world really needs is more love and less paperwork.” – Pearl Bailey

““If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?” – Lily Tomlin

““Between lovers, a little confession is a dangerous thing.” – Helen Rowland

““There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy. Her heart.” – Melanie Griffith

““Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t show up on x-rays, but you know it’s there.” – George Burns

The Office Quote “Would I rather be feared or loved? Umm… easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me”

“Would I rather be feared or loved? Umm… easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.” – Michael Scott, The Office

““You can’t buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.” – Henny Youngman

““If you text ‘I love you’ to a person and the person writes back an emoji – no matter what that emoji, they don’t love you back.” – Chelsea Peretti

““You know how people say, “you can’t live without love”? Well, oxygen is even more important.” – Dr. Gregory Houser

““A pair of powerful spectacles has sometimes sufficed to cure a person in love.” – Friedrich Nietzsche

Einstein Quote “Gravitation can’t be held responsible for people falling in love.”

“Gravitation can’t be held responsible for people falling in love.” – Albert Einstein

““Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.” – Joan Crawford

“”Love doesn’t drop on you unexpectedly; you have to give off signals, sort of like an amateur radio operator.” – Helen Gurley Brown

““By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.” – Socrates

““I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.” – Woody Allen

Samuel Johnson Quote “Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience”

“Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.” – Samuel Johnson

““Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.” – Albert Einstein

““An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.” – Agatha Christie

““Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are.” – Will Ferrell

Whatever you like (or don’t like!) about Valentine’s Day, we hope you’ll share one of our quotes this year!

Published at Mon, 10 Feb 2020 15:41:24 +0000

How to Help Your Community

How to Help Your Community

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r own business. You can serve your community by offering a great product and possibly even hiring employees. Buy your food from local vendors. Try to get most of your produce from the farmers market, where members of your community go to sell food theyve worked hard to grow.Shop at local businesses whenever you can. For example, if you have the choice to buy a new pair of jeans at a chain discount store or a small business owned by a member of your community, choose the latter. Change your mindset from buying the cheapest available product to leveraging your purchases to provide the most community good. Knowing that your money will go toward boosting your local economy and building a strong, vibrant community is worth the extra effort and expense. Help others to see the light and help them come aboard to help you boost the local communitys financial health.Consider starting your own business. You can serve your community by offering a great product and possibly even hiring employees.Recycle and compost.

Many communities are experiencing problems with landfills that are getting too full. Producing too much trash pollutes the environment, and thats not good for your communitys long-term health. You can do your part to help improve the situation by recycling and composting as much of your waste as possible. If you want to go above and beyond, you could also spread awareness about how to recycle, or start a recycling program at your school or place of work.Composting is useful in more ways than one. It allows you to dispose of your food waste without putting it in the trash, and as a result you end up with rich soil you can use in your garden. Once you learn how to do it, show others how easy it can be.Save energy and water.

Using excessive electricity and water strains community resources. Saving energy and water is good for the planet as well as your local environment. Do your best to conserve energy and water and it will become an investment in your communitys long-term health. Turning off your lights when youre not using them, using energy-saving appliances, decreasing your reliance on air conditioning, turning down the temperature on your water heater, and unplugging your computer when you power it down are all ways you can help save energy.Taking shorter showers, making sure your pipes arent leaking, limiting your lawn watering, and using a low-water method of washing dishes are all ways you can help save water.Be less reliant on your car.

Communities that rely heavily on car transportation often experience elevated air pollution levels. Air pollution is not only detrimental to plants and animals, it causes major health problems for humans, too. Using your car less often decreases your carbon footprint, which helps your community. Here are alternatives to try: Walk or bike where you need to go. It takes a little longer, but you see more along the way.Use public transportation. Even if your area doesnt have a great subway or elevated rail system, you probably have bus lines nearby.Carpool to work or school, instead of driving places by yourself. en

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————————-References———————
—https://sustainableconnections.org/thinklocal/why

—http://homeguides.sfgate.com/can-conserve-energy-78831.html

—http://greenatheart.org/live-car-free/

—http://www.idealist.org/info/Volunteer/Ideal

—http://www.idealist.org/info/Volunteer/Ideal

—http://www.forbes.com/sites/glassheel/2013/03/14/6-ways-to-achieve-any-goal/

—http://www.volunteermatch.org/search/opp582940.jsp

—http://www.performwell.org/index.php/isd/child-a-youth-development/250-civic-engagement-for-youth

—http://www.ecolandscaping.org/02/landscape-design/beautifying-public-places-the-importance-of-plants/

Becky Hill – Changing

Becky Hill – Changing

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Helping Communities Everywhere

Helping Communities Everywhere

The Humane Society Veterinary Medical Association goes to rural areas throughout the country helping underserved communities get the veterinary services they need. Here’s a look at a stop in South Dakota where people lined up for hours.

99 Funny Christmas Quotes To Keep You Laughing Until The New Year

99 Funny Christmas Quotes To Keep You Laughing Until The New Year

Christmas is stressful. From shopping for the perfect gifts to cooking a feast for the family, it’s surprising that people actually look forward to the holiday hustle and bustle.

To help you get through the stress of holiday season, check out these 99 funny Christmas quotes to keep you jolly through the season…

“Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.” – Victor Borge

“My husband’s idea of getting the Christmas spirit is to become Scrooge.” – Melanie White

Conan O'Brien Christmas quote "There are 17 more shopping days until Christmas. So, guys, that means 16 more days till we start shopping, right?"

“There are 17 more shopping days until Christmas. So, guys, that means 16 more days till we start shopping, right?” – Conan O’Brien

“Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.” – Dave Barry

“Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and receipts for all major purchases.” – Bridger Winegar

“I haven’t taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin.” – Winston Spear

Robert Godde funny Christmas quote "At Christmas, tea is compulsory. Relatives are optional"

“At Christmas, tea is compulsory. Relatives are optional.” – Robert Godden

“This holiday season, no matter what your religion is, please take a moment to reflect on why it’s better than all the other ones.” – Guy Endore Kaiser

“The principal advantage of the non-parental lifestyle is that on Christmas Eve you need not be struck dumb by the three most terrifying words that the government allows to be printed on any product: “Some assembly required.”” – John Leo

“Nothing’s as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.” – Kin Hubbard

Bernard Manning Christmas quote "I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, 'toys not included.'"

“I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, ‘toys not included.’” – Bernard Manning

“What I like about Christmas is that you can make people forget the past with the present.” – Don Marquis

“I hate the radio this time of year because they play “All I Want For Christmas Is You” like, every other song. And that’s just not enough.” – Bridger Winegar

“Adults can take a simple holiday for Children and screw it up. What began as a presentation of simple gifts to delight and surprise children around the Christmas tree has culminated in a woman unwrapping six shrimp forks from her dog, who drew her name.” – Erma Bombeck

Funny Christmas quote "The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other"

“The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.” – Johnny Carson

“A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.” – Garrison Keillor

“I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can’t wait to exchange.” – Henny Youngman

“That’s the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.” – Jerry Seinfeld

“Do give books – religious or otherwise – for Christmas. They’re never fattening, seldom sinful, and permanently personal.” – Lenore Hershey

Larry Wilde Christmas Tree quote "Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall"

“Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.” – Larry Wilde

“For Christmas this year, try giving less. Start with less attitude. There’s more than enough of that in the world as it is – and people will usually just give it back anyway!” – Anne Bristow

“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.” – Shirley Temple

“Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas. You know, the birth of Santa?” – Matt Groening

Carol Nelson funny Christmas quote "Christmas is a time when you get homesick, even when you’re home"

“Christmas is a time when you get homesick, even when you’re home.” – Carol Nelson

“Let me see if I’ve got this Santa business straight. You say he wears a beard, has no discernible source of income and flies to cities all over the world under cover of darkness? You sure this guy isn’t laundering illegal drug money?” – Tom Armstrong

“Who’s the bane of Santa’s life? The elf and safety officer.” – Catherine Tate

“Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, he must be a communist. And a beard and long hair, must be a pacifist. What’s in that pipe that he’s smoking?” – Arlo Guthrie

Ellen Degeneres quote "Nothing says holiday like a cheese log"

“Nothing says holiday like a cheese log.” – Ellen DeGeneres

“Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and their kids pay for it.” – Richard Lamm

“Did you ever notice that life seems to follow certain patterns? Like I noticed that every year around this time, I hear Christmas music.” – Tom Sims

“The one thing women don’t want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.” – Joan Rivers

Johnny Carson quote "Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas"

“Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.” – Johnny Carson

“Many banks have a new kind of Christmas club in operation. The new club helps you save money to pay for last year’s gifts.” – Author Unknown

“I bought my brother some gift wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.” – Steven Wright

“Be careful with drinking this Christmas. I got so drunk last night I found myself dancing in a cheesy bar… or, as you like to call it, delicatessen.” – Sean Hughes

Erma Bombeck quote "There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child"

“There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.” – Erma Bombeck

“Christmas, here again. Let us raise a loving cup; Peace on earth, goodwill to men, and make them do the washing up.” – Wendy Cope

“Although it is pleasant to think about poison at any season, there is something special about Christmas, and I found myself grinning.” – Alan Bradley

“Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money.” – Author Unknown

“He who has not Christmas in his heart will never find it under a tree.” – Roy L. Smith

Andy Borowitz funny Christmas quote "Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help"

“Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help.” – Andy Borowitz

“People can’t concentrate properly on blowing other people to pieces properly if their minds are poisoned by thoughts suitable to the twenty-fifth of December.” – Ogden Nash

“A good holiday is one spent among people whose notions of time are vaguer than yours.” – John B. Priestly

“I like to compare the holiday season with the way a child listens to a favorite story. The pleasure is in the familiar way the story begins, the anticipation of familiar turns it takes, the familiar moments of suspense, and the familiar climax and ending.” – Fred Rogers

"Pets, like their owners, tend to expand a little over the Christmas period." -Pets, like their owners, tend to expand a little over the Christmas period.

“Pets, like their owners, tend to expand a little over the Christmas period.” -Pets, like their owners, tend to expand a little over the Christmas period.

“‘Elf’ has become this big holiday movie, and I remember running around the streets of New York in tights saying, ‘This could be the last movie I ever make,’ and I could never have predicted that it’d become such a popular film.” – Will Ferrell

“Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old traditions such as trying to find a parking space at the mall. We traditionally do this in my family by driving around the parking lot until we see a shopper emerge from the mall, then we follow her, in very much the same spirit as the Three Wise Men, who 2,000 years ago followed a star, week after week, until it led them to a parking space.” – Dave Berry

“Next to a circus there ain’t nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.” – Frank McKinney Hubbard

Louis C.K. quote "One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. And also go in mid-December"

“One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. And also go in mid-December.” – Louis C.K.

“As we struggle with shopping lists and invitations, compounded by December’s bad weather, it is good to be reminded that there are people in our lives who are worth this aggravation, and people to whom we are worth the same.” – Donald E. Westlake

“Oh, for the good old days when people would stop Christmas shopping when they ran out of money.” – Author Unknown

“A Christmas shopper’s complaint is one of long-standing.” – Author Unknown

"One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don’t clean it up too quickly." -Andy Rooney

“One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don’t clean it up too quickly.” -Andy Rooney

“The magi, as you know, were wise men — wonderfully wise men who brought gifts to the Babe in the manger. They invented the art of giving Christmas presents.” – O. Henry

“Wretched excess is an unfortunate human trait that turns a perfectly good idea such as Christmas into a frenzy of last-minute shopping.” – Jon Anderson

“Probably the reason we all go so haywire at Christmas time with the endless unrestrained and often silly buying of gifts is that we don’t quite know how to put our love into words.” – Harlan Miller

"One good thing about Christmas shopping is it toughens you for the January sales." -Grace Kriley

“One good thing about Christmas shopping is it toughens you for the January sales.” -Grace Kriley

“Three phrases that sum up Christmas are: Peace on Earth, Goodwill to Men, and Batteries not Included.” – Author Unknown

“Christmas and the New Year are actually two holidays. So there is a plural, which in the English language, necessitates the use of ‘s.’ I suppose you could say ‘Merry Christmas’ and ‘Happy New Year,’ but you probably have sh*t to do.” – Jon Stewart

“I left Santa gluten-free cookies and organic soy milk and he put a solar panel in my stocking.” – Author Unknown

“The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn’t for any religious reasons. They couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.” – Jay Leno

P.J. O'Rourke quote "There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with raw egg yolks and cottage cheese in them"

“There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with raw egg yolks and cottage cheese in them.” – P.J. O’Rourke

“Ever wonder what people got Jesus for Christmas? It’s like, “Oh great, socks. You know I’m dying for your sins right? Yeah, but thanks for the socks! They’ll go great with my sandals. What am I, German?” – Jim Gaffigan

“Every year, Christmas gets longer and longer, and you don’t care, do you? Every year, you just take more of the calendar for yourself. How long does it take you people to shop? It’s beyond belief! It’s insane! When I was a kid, Halloween was Halloween, and Santa wasn’t poking his ass into it!” – Lewis Black

“This past Christmas, I told my girlfriend for months in advance that all I wanted was an Xbox. That’s it. Beginning and end of list, Xbox. You know what she got me? A homemade frame with a picture of us from our first date together. Which was fine. Because I got her an Xbox.” – Anthony Jeselnik

Ogden Nash quote "Merry Christmas, nearly everybody!"

“Merry Christmas, nearly everybody!” – Ogden Nash

“I’ve had this look for about a year. I usually grow this beard out around Christmas. I like to go to malls dressed as Jesus, and I like to then walk around the mall and go, ‘No! No! This wasn’t what it was supposed to be about, people!’ Then if there’s a Santa at the mall, I walk up to him and say, ‘Listen, fat man, you’re just a clown at my birthday party.’” – Marc Maron

“I set a personal record on Christmas. I got my shopping done three weeks ahead of time. I had all the presents back at my apartment, I was halfway through wrapping them, and I realized, ‘Damn, I used the wrong wrapping paper.’ The paper I used said, ‘Happy Birthday.’ I didn’t want to waste it, so I just wrote ‘Jesus’ on it.” – Demetri Martin

“If you can’t wrap Christmas presents well, at least make it look like they put up a good fight.” – Author Unknown

“Christmas: it’s the only religious holiday that’s also a federal holiday. That way, Christians can go to their services, and everyone else can sit at home and reflect on the true meaning of the separation of church and state.” – Samantha Bee

Phyllis Diller Christmas party quote "What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day"

“What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” – Phyllis Diller

“People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas.” – Author Unknown

“Mentally I am ready for Christmas, financially I am not ready for Christmas.” – Author Unknown

“Christmas is a magical time of year… I just watched all my money magically disappear.” – Author Unknown

“Even before Christmas has said Hello, it’s saying ‘Buy Buy’.” – Robert Paul

“Sending Christmas cards is a good way to let your friends and family know that you think they’re worth the price of a stamp.” – Melanie White

“Christmas Shopping: Wouldn’t it be wonderful to find one gift that you didn’t have to dust, that had to be used right away, that was practical, fit everyone, was personal and would be remembered for a long time? I penciled in “Gift certificate for a flu shot.” – Erma Bombeck

“Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.” – Author Unknown

“The outdoor Christmas lights, green and red and gold and blue and twinkling, remind me that most people are that way all year round — kind, generous, friendly and with an occasional moment of ecstasy. But Christmas is the only time they dare reveal themselves.” – Harlan Miller

“There are some people who want to throw their arms round you simply because it is Christmas; there are other people who want to strangle you simply because it is Christmas.” – Robert Staughton Lynd

“I get a little behind during Lent, but it comes out even at Christmas.” – Frank Butler

“My mother-in-law has come round to our house at Christmas seven years running. This year we’re having a change. We’re going to let her in.” – Leslie “Les” Dawson, Jr.

“Bloody Christmas, here again, let us raise a loving cup, peace on earth, goodwill to men, and make them do the washing up.” – Wendy Cope

“Most of the soap operas always use the Christmas special to kill huge quantities of their characters. So they have trams coming off their rails, or cars slamming into each other or burning buildings. It’s a general clean-out.” – Baron Fellowes

“Christmas to a child is the first terrible proof that to travel hopefully is better than to arrive.” – Stephen John Fry

“It may be a cliche, but it’s true – the build-up to Christmas is so much more pleasurable than the actual day itself.” – Julie Burchill

“The best Christmas present I got from my husband was a week to do whatever I wanted.” – Olivia Haigh Williams

Funny Christmas Quotes from Books, Films, and Television

“Out upon merry Christmas! What’s Christmas time to you but a time for paying bills without money; a time for finding yourself a year older, but not an hour richer…? If I could work my will,” said Scrooge indignantly, “every idiot who goes about with ‘Merry Christmas’ upon his lips should be boiled with his won pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart. He should!” – Charles Dickens, A Christmas Story
Bart Simpson Santa Clause quote "You know you’re getting old, when Santa starts looking younger."

“You know you’re getting old, when Santa starts looking younger.” – Bart Simpson in The Simpsons: Miracle on Evergreen Terrace

“Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer… Who’d have ever guessed that product consumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would mix so harmoniously?” – Bill Watterson, Calvin & Hobbes

“Charlie, stay away from those things. They’re reindeer, you don’t know where they’ve been. They all look like they’ve got key lime disease.” – Scott Calvin in The Santa Clause
Charlie Brown Christmas quote "Rats. Nobody sent me a Christmas card today. I almost wish there weren't a holiday season. I know nobody likes me. Why do we have to have a holiday season to emphasize it?"

“Rats. Nobody sent me a Christmas card today. I almost wish there weren’t a holiday season. I know nobody likes me. Why do we have to have a holiday season to emphasize it?” – Charlie Brown in A Charlie Brown Christmas Movie

“From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it.” – Katharine Whitehorn, Roundabout

“How can you give Kris Kringle a parking ticket on Christmas Eve? What’s next, rabies shots for the Easter Bunny?” – Santa Claus in Home Alone

“I hate Christmas. The mall is full of nothing but women and children. All you hear is, ‘I want this,’ ‘Get me this,’ ‘I have to have this’… and then there’s the children. And they’re all by my store ’cause they stuck the mall Santa right outside ringing his stupid bell. As if you need a bell to notice a 300-pound alcoholic in a red suit. ‘Ho, ho, ho,’ all day long. So, nice as can be, I go outside, ask him to shut the hell up. He takes a swing at me. So I lay a hook into his fat belly and he goes down. Beard comes off, all the kids start crying and I’m the bad guy.” – Al Bundy in Married With Children

Love Actually quote "Christmas shopping. Never an easy or a pleasant task."

“Christmas shopping. Never an easy or a pleasant task.” – Harry in Love Actually

“One can never have enough socks. Another Christmas has come and gone and I didn’t get a single pair. People will insist on giving me books.” – Professor Dumbledore in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone

“If you see a sign that says ‘Peep Show’, that doesn’t mean they’re letting you look at presents before Christmas.” – Father Christmas in Elf

Published at Wed, 18 Dec 2019 14:55:47 +0000

Helping each other || Inspiring || Motivational || WhatsApp status

Helping each other || Inspiring || Motivational || WhatsApp status

Sometimes in life, we try to do our very best to help others, and in the process, it brings some anguish to us. But we can’t ever let that stop us. We can’t ever be stopped from helping others and allowing them to have some sense of happiness and joy in their life.

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Greta Thunberg – Inspiring Others to Take a Stand Against Climate Change | The Daily Show

Greta Thunberg – Inspiring Others to Take a Stand Against Climate Change | The Daily Show

Sixteen-year-old climate activist Greta Thunberg explains why she traveled to America in a zero emissions boat and lays out the direct impact climate change has on the planet.

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